Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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