I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
