Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Small penises have feelings too.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
