man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
