I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
