I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
