I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Congratulations! We have a period
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