he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
