I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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