...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
