I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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