I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
