So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
