got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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