so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
