This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
