i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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