my phone needs a breathalizer
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
