The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
