My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
