I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
