Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
