I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
