I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
