I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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