Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
