The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
