maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
