i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
