it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's blow job season.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
