btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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