I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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