i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
