Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
