I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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