Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
