Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
