I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
