the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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