I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
her vagine was all disorganized.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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