well I can't set my house on fire every night
honey bunches of taint.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
