Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
