New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
