i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
