dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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