White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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