apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
