Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
