i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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