his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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