im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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