Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
