Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
