So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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