Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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