you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
