someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
