My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Randomize
