Just cropdusted the office
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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