im about as happy as oj after his trial
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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