do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
