So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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