i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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