how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
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is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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