he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
