who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Randomize
