i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
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Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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