I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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