The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
