my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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