Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
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I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
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Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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