why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
