if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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