Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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