come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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